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• hi all, wish me luck. my aim to quit if ..im hoping june 4. although ive stayed clean of 12yrs+,cocaine/crack, 1190acid, heroin since around 1995ish..no habit tho, liquor 2001, and cigs now 3yrs+. but i still have this mofo vice and all it's insanity (the tweekers) who cum with it. fck, i wish they would dissapear! but its me who has to dissapear. not from earth and reality, but from them and get my dayum ass back to 12stepping again. im an "ALL OR NOTHING" type addict/alacohalic. 420 was never a gateway drug for me. never! i do have 4 types of anorexia too. 1.my own doings, 2.hiv, 3,stress, and 4th,meth. and just found out almost 3 mos ago i am now diabetic. which i just lost 45 lbs since last july. #$%^!! was hard putting on those 40 lbs, but i did it with a needle in my arm. am i mofo nuts in the head or what? i even was slamming in my church's bathroom, the pizza joint 1.5 miles away on my nightly journeys to endlessly walk, walk, walk.. to where? i dont know, but i was on my way. basically what im saying, is this relapse was 3 days shy of my 6th bday. i do AA and hear all my messages in that arena. i can stay focused too cuz i do meetings with "stuffy old men" so im not cruising the hot dude up in front of me. right? some hot guyz at those meetings i tell you what! and i even sit on my hands so i dont get up and leave. i had things halfway decent while clean those 6yrs, i just want my health back, my weight, and im soo affraid my ass is going to end up in jail, 6-7th time for this fcking drug. i hate jail, probation, and the embarrassment/ridcule it creates on the home front and the stereotypical looks and comments people throw a glimps of towards me. if all goes well, im going to do my Alano Club on june 4th. so wish me luck and best wish to those who also want to quit the addiction. al ratos, "quiting my pookey" lbc, sunny so.cal.

  divorcing my pookey | May 31, 2010 10:07 am

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