Comments (1456)

• Keep going Luis. I have studied many spiritual paths, gone to AA, SAA, CAA - was raised Catholic, studied buddism and Sanskrit, and always searched until i found what was right for me and what gave me strength. You will find what that is for you too, as long as you're willing to do the work. One of the best things anyone told me was that I was never going to change. I stared at him in disbelief, feeling like i was going to throw up, but he said it again, "You will never change." And when i asked him what would keep me from crystal, what would give me happiness, he again smiled and said, "You can't change, people don't change, and if you keep sitting there hoping to change, you're screwed. What you have got to learn to do is ride life, like a surfer rides a wave. The more you do, helping others, being proactive, sharing, trying not to judge, EFFORT -- those things won't change you, BUT they will give you the strength to ride life's waves. And the stronger you get the bigger and crazier the waves you can ride. You might still want to panic and run, and that feeling might never go away, but your ability to deal with those feelings and ride those waves will grow stronger and stronger, and you will have the power to deal with our own free will, and make the choices that will help you carry on. I hope this helps-- it really helped me. xoxox M

  alive | July 29, 2010 12:55 am

• I lived as a gay man for ten years. I tried to find happiness everwhere, sex, drugs and rock n roll. I did T quiet a few times. I never was addicted to it though, I have tried x, coke, t, weed, ghb, and a few more. I am here to tell you all it did when it wore off was tear me down. Yea it made sex wild but i was seeing things and hearing voices. Is that a life someone wants to live I don't so I gave my life back to christ and decided to live for HIM. there is hope you don't have to live in discouragement and fear. Visit www.victorlevan.com for help

  www.victorlevan.com | July 10, 2010 8:35 pm

• That really sucks. I feel your pain. In L.A./Hollywood everyone just uses you for what they can get, when they want it, and how they want it, but when you need a friend, they are no where in site. Some guys tell you things you haven't heard in years, and you pnp with them for 15 or more hours, then they ask "where should we go from here?", and once you show any type of affection, they are gone in an instant!!! Somehow this one, just keeps getting back every time it's convenient for him. He never calls or says, "hey, do you want to get together today/tonight",it's only after he's been out in LA for 3 days partying and having sex with as many guys as he can get, then he calls me as if I'm a fucking truck stop or lay over for his drive back to O.C. and I let him back in. I know it's my fault, but I am alone and sometimes afraid, so seeing him even for a short time is better than never, (I think) he usually is too exhausted to have sex with me after the 3rd day and just falls asleep in my bed, but I did get to hold him all night. I can't stand it anymore, I just wish I wasn't gay. This community has destroyed my hopes, dreams and life, although I must take half of the blame, it still hurts terribly. Signed, LosT Angeles

  LosT Angeles | July 10, 2010 3:44 am

• It wasn't meth that destroyed my life. It wasn't HIV. It wasn't one person. It started with ONE GAY MAN hurting and abusing another. When will we stand up in this community? When will will love one another? When will we take responsibility? Drug abuse starts in the mind. and It only gets worst after that - so no matter what drug we abuse, there will be NO ESCAPE until we CHANGE SOMETHING INSIDE OUR MINDS. Unfortunately, TINA increases the "ante". A misread of the dice in the Tina game can be your life - and which one do you think is worst? Ego death or physical death? I cannot determine what is reality. I dont know who I can trust. I feel alone and below standard. Unworthy of Love and appreciation. My current state of mind creates opportunity for me to be taken advantage of, robbed and tricked. I am on the verge of losing everything. I feel dirty. I dont know where to begin my healing. Worst yet, My body is disfigured and ravaged and I cant stand to look at myself in the mirror. I touch the scars to remind myself they are real - but the only thing that makes me do - is escape faster. I have developed multiple personalities due to my "mental scar." I black out - and I suffer from incredible memory lost. I continue recriminations in hopes that I will scold and beat the inner child into submission - obedience - Love for himself. My only advice - If we don't love ourselves, our community, each other - we will create more people like me. Destroyed disfigured and disjointed abominations that exist for - the worst possible thing imagined - NOTHING. Love is not enough. Honesty and trust - a firm hug - a stiff hand - This is how we will save "the children". The men with MONEY and POWER in this community need TO STAND UP!!! REACH OUT!! Help create opportunities to empower younger generations!!TEACH THEM! GUIDE THEM! BE LEADERS!!! The gay man of the first generations NEED TO STRATAGIZE on REPAIRING THE CHILDREN!! Recently - Society has afforded young gay men with public positive role models. Before that - THE ONLY THING THE OLDER GENERATION GAVE US WAS IMAGES OF SEX, SUPERFICIAL VALUES FOCUSED ON UNREALISTIC BODY IMAGES, GLORIFIED CRUISING/PREDATOR HOLES and AIDS!!!! Part of me hates them. Part of me HATES ME.

  CABLE | June 18, 2010 7:54 pm

• I never used it. As a matter of fact I have never used any drugs in my life. I was shunned from those who I thought were my friends. I was a mess. I hated having people around me thinking that the only way that they were my friends was because they could always count on me to be the DD and bail them out when they'd get busted. I got really depressed and my relationship with the love of my life suffered as a result of this. I learned that even if you're not family to someone, meth will ruin your life. To anyone who'd possibly see this remember that even if you're the cleanest of guys, drugs will find a way of ruining your life. It has done to mine and will do it to yours as well.

  Saulo4everclean | June 18, 2010 8:37 am

• I have been using crystal for over ten years. When I started there was no campaign to warn young gay men of the dangers of addiction. I was a functioning addict for a couple of years, great sex, never slept, out of control. Rehab, helped clean out the cobwebs of my life, helped me accept my HIV+ status that I aquired while partying. I think about sex and I think about Tina, I think about Tina and I think about sex. Rehab didnt work just taught me to be more self aware. Still needed sex so i still wanted tina. Moved to a different city. Helped for a while but found new drug dealers. Finally, I went back to school and put forth goals where Tina was not involved. Met my goals but still crave Tina, because I still crave intimacy from another breathing human, but now I cant even date because Tina has messed up my sex drive. So, now every four months or so I get so horney, but know i need the Tina to find the sex. Its a vicious cycle. Overall you can get off the drug, but it doesn leave your head

  I still crave it | May 13, 2010 10:40 am

• I have been using meth for over ten years now....usually I use once a month on average but I have been using alot more frequently as of late and it is causing chaos in my life and I" feel my life spiralling down...once again. I have been here before....this lonely place. I found this site today and have been trying to put the brakes on this self-destruct mode I seem to be in. Meth made my inhibitions melt away, and I guess thats part of the way in which it takes hold of you. Thanks for sharing and helping. Wish me luck....for those struggling as well....Be strong!

  BV | May 11, 2010 2:47 am

• wish i had never started. i don't do it much but i can point to things it has really messed up in my life or times when i did things that weren't really me.

  hiya | May 09, 2010 6:48 pm

• I cannot and will-power not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions, the same granting I long ago came to the conclusion that I was not a federal yourself and could have no congenial district in any factious group.

  Gadget | May 09, 2010 2:44 am

• Damn I have done Tina a few times recreationally usually also with alcohol, MDMA, 420 and poppers. The sex was amazing and I thought I would explode during the orgasms. Afterward I would be awake for days and almost always craved it again. I stayed away from it as I knew a few guys that had gone over the deep end with it and would do anything while on it with anyone. Play safe whatever you do.

  Darren | May 06, 2010 7:27 am

• In my club days in the late 90's I can recall only doing Tina to stay awake to keep dancing all night. There was a sexual energy in the air already I guess being sandwiched in between 1,000 hot shirtless men at Twilo and Roxy but I never looked at it as a sex drug. Then again I guess we weren't smoking it. I'm happy this site is here so all of us can gain more information and learn to take care of ourselves better whether we are poz or neg.

  www.coreyandrew.com | April 16, 2010 9:36 pm

• I Had the best sex of my life while taking meth...but then I got sick from HIV, suffered permanant damage to my nervous system (ringing ears, neuropathy, sensativity to loud noise. I did things on crystal that I would have never done sober. All things considered, I wish I had never touched tina.

  Anonymous | March 28, 2010 6:41 pm

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